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I (51m) let my daughter borrow the bassinet I bought so she could stay at her moms a few days and my wife (38f) was mad enough it ended up in a massive blow up.

Backstory, my wife found out about 8 months ago she’s autistic and was and had been in autistic burnout for a while. So she is in a semi permanent state of depression and is essentially at this point a roommate, as far as her involvement in the marriage, as she deals with her stuff.

So the actual story… my daughter had my first grandbaby 2 months ago, she lives 1.5 hours away so we don’t get to see the grandbaby as much as we’d like. She asked to stay with us for a week since her AC went out and we were excited. My wife wanted to buy a $500 bassinet for here whenever she wanted to stay and she never did. So I went on FB marketplace and found one for $140 and I bought it. My daughter was going to stay a couple days at my moms before coming here and asked if she could borrow the bassinet, my wife was adamant she could not take it over there because my mom has dogs that she’d really bad and her house can be a bit dirty from that so she didn’t want the bassinet getting dog hair all over it (she’s allergic to dogs) so I said ok I understand.

So she said she’s setting a hard boundary that the bassinet wt must stay at our house which I don’t understand. She says my daughter is an adult and should buy everything she needs such as a travel bassinet and that we shouldn’t be supplying this stuff. So after she stays here for a few days she asks if she can take it to her moms so she can stay and let her mom spend a few days with the baby before coming back here. I tell her no because of what my wife said, she starts bawling so I go ask my wife again. She was mad but said ok.

After my daughter leaves my wife is pissed, saying I disrespected her by asking after she set a hard boundary and that I’m basically an asshole and have no respect for her and her wishes. It led to a HUGE blow up where we both mentioned divorce (again marriage not in a good place due to autistic burnout).

Am I wrong for letting my daughter use the bassinet against my wife’s wishes? Any therapist out there?